I took notice when Scott IM’d me an article from O Magazine.
The key thesis is that women tend to comfort themselves by talking– often criticizing– in an attempt to figure something out, solve a problem, and build a connection. This method of problem solving causes men’s bodies to be filled with a stress hormone– cortisol– that the article equates to electric shock followed by blues similar to that you get after eating too much sugar. Women feel this way when they feel the bond of a relationship being eroded (from a partner’s yelling or withdrawal). This phenomenon– often called emotional flooding– leaves a hangover and causes the man or woman to have more difficulty connecting– thus spiraling out of control. The solution– according to the article– is to spend more time being together and connecting physically. This togetherness (and compassion that comes from that) in turn makes women feel more connected (less need to talk) and men feel more comfortable (more interest in talking).
It turns out that the article talks about a phenomenon that Scott and I experience in our relationship frequently. Early on, when we lived in San Francisco with only a year of marriage under our belt, we experienced some sort of squabble. Scott cut me off mid-complaint and said, let’s go for a cable car ride! I was skeptical, but reluctantly left the apartment to hop on the cable car as it passed our apt. Just being together and feeling the wind in our hair and the beauty of San Francisco made my funk disappear like the sun on the fog. I don’t even remember what I wanted to talk about that night, but I do remember our spontaneous adventure together.
I hate to admit it, but sometimes Scott (and Oprah) are right!
I’m speechless.